You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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