The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
