I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
