New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
