"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
