Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Congratulations! We have a period
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
