In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
