I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
