he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
