I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
