you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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