if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
