ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
do herpes really smell.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
