Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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