Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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