i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
