You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
