dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
