What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
