how can u be prego again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
