Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
