One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
