youre lurking in front of me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
