I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
