i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
