My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I smell stomach acid.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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