I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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