I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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