I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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