I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
