I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
