And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
