Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
