Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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