Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
