Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
