Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
