I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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