i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
