I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
