yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had sex on a roof
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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