so explain again why im purple
no
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
