i think my tv is drunk
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
