college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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