Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
