Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is classic penis vs brain.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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