in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize