I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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