A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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