things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
