I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
