Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
