You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
