I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
