No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
