I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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