I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
