Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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