I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
