you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
