Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
