He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
