I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
