I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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