I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
