You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
