i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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