Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
