Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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