He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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