girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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