Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
