Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
