yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
