That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
