i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
where am i from again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
