Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize