As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
