Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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